Can anyone give me advice about my college entrance essay?

I've decided i'm going to write it about when i moved from PA to NY last year and everything it taught me, do you think that's a good idea?


i'm not sure exactly how to start it off though...right now my first sentence is ';I never pictured myself being the “new girl” during high school.'; but it sounds too average and boring, i want to make my paper more exciting but i don't know how to start it.








any ideas?Can anyone give me advice about my college entrance essay?
No, this is a terrible paper. Do you have any idea how many ';I moved from X to Y'; essays they get? You gotta find something more original than that, go to the library and get one of those ';100 great essays'; books.





Its hard to give you ideas without knowing you, but try to think of a unique experience you had, where you learned ONE thing. Not a list of boring things you learned from a boring experience that everyone has gone through at some point.Can anyone give me advice about my college entrance essay?
You can always start off with a mission statement and a vision statement, explaining what your goals are and how you can contribute to the world today.





Remember to not have any run on sentences, watch your spelling, and remember you should always use 1 1/2 line spacing when writing an essay. NO PLAGIARISM, that is very important, be honest and then close with your future goals.
I think you should be a little more creative also. This sounds like the typical essay that everyone writes and probably would be viewed less than favorably by admission officers.





Do you have a clearly unique experience you can write about?
Start it of with a good thesis statement. Then write your paper revolving around this thesis statement. Your thesis statement is very strong and you should be able to write around it. this is not too boring as a lot of students have not had the experience of changing schools and towns while they are in school.